Brugge, Belgium

Walkin'

I can’t speak for America because I don’t think you notice this type of thing until you are on a different continent. We may very well walk in a zigzag pattern but I have not noticed it. The Dutch do. I let it go for a week figuring it would work itself out and society would prove me wrong. No chance. They walk sideways and zigzag. I cannot believe there are less then twelve thousand accidents a day. In fact, knock on wood, I have yet to see a pedestrian hit a bike or a tram hit a car or a tram hit another tram or a building run into a car. They just seem to understand that the other person has less nerve than them. Evel effing Knievel would lose a game of chicken to a Dutchman. Evel would have died thirty years ago if his nerve was tested in Holland. They would call his bluff, everyone would die, and the people would cope by smoking dope with whatever American tourists were in town.

I did not hit anyone today but I did go to the Dutch version of Target. Willie, by proxy, is the proud owner of new lights and a multi purpose tool. Both are a necessity. The lights make us street legal and the tool is just prudent given Willie's tendency to break down everyday.

Belgium calls this weekend. My trip has gone from a one man pilgrimage to a festival. My fellow interns, Chris and Zheni, are coming along with Chris’ roommates. Chris and his boys are from Houston while Zheni is from Bulgaria. It should be incredible. Bruges is a medieval city lost in time and its sister city, Ghent, is a university driven carbon copy. Ridiculous pictures to follow.

Chuck Klosterman's France

Chuck Klosterman does it again. Interesting read about baseball: http://www.esquire.com/features/chuck-klostermans-america/baseball-klosterman-0908

AND

I think I am part nutria; apparently my digestive system is conditioned to process paper. I felt no ill effects from the brie incident of two nights ago. I actually slept quite well.

The Venga Boys are Coming

There is a carnival going on behind my apartment. I doubt they call it a carnival but that’s what it is. There’s a Ferris Wheel, a gravitron and, presumably, carnies. If it’s un-American to dislike the carnival then call me John Kerry and kick me a soccer ball because I am there. The only reason I go to the carnival is if it is in conjunction with a county fair and Travis Tritt and Marty Stuart are playing a “No Hats Tour” reunion. Even then, it better not fall on a night during the World Series or NFL playoffs.

My problem is that all those carnies, with their hands smelling of cabbage, are operating death traps. Incredibly, people still choose to chance their lives on these things and this phenomenon is not lost on the otherwise pragmatic Dutch. This particular carnival should be of no concern to me because I am not fifteen; thus my girlfriend does not wield such unchecked power as to make me stride a cold piece of rusting metal while whirling out of control in circles and/or vertically. However, this particular carnival is in my backyard and the theme song of one of the rides is the Venga Boys’, “The Venga Boys are Coming (We like to party)”. I normally welcome this song because it reminds me of senior year spring break (apologies to Bulldawg and his would be shutout gem that turned into a slaughter because we all went to Daytona the night before and for some reason coach Yancey played all the reserves that day) but I like the song for just that, nostalgia. Going to sleep to it every night is not what I had in mind almost ten years ago when, even then, I found the song to be pretty ridiculous.

On a brighter note, I went to Intern Happy Hour last night and met some really interesting people. I would like to reinforce that Belgian beers are incredible. That being said, the Austrian I met professed that Belgian beers are second in the world to Czech beers. He described the Czechs as, “champion” beer brewers. Looks like I’m going to have to amp up my Jon Mann-visit preparation.

Knox Harrington

Dutch men, almost universally, laugh like Knox Harrington, the video artist from The Big Lebowski.

Oui Little Oversight

I bought brie cheese and bread at the supermarket last week. I figured, since I am in Europe, I should eat cheese and bread in between meals and at any time other than when I am in the shower. Last week I ate a piece of cheese but the bread I bought was so terrible that I postponed my snack until I could purchase some decent bread.

I resumed Frenching today. I cut off a slice of cheese at a time and then tore a little piece of bread - all while wearing a beret and candy striped stockings. After about six pieces, I turned the cheese over so I could cover it with plastic. Only then did I realize that every bite included a piece of paper that was attached to the bottom of the wedge. I'll have an update on my night's sleep tomorrow.

Achmed

The ring tone skeleton; the one that says, "Silence! Silence! I kill you!" He has a name, Achmed the Dead Terrorist. He is the brain child of an American ventriloquist/comedian called, Jeff Dunham. The Dutch apparently love him. I don't think it's very funny. Judge for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go



I just learned that you can't get Pandora radio in Holland. Their license is not valid in Europe. If you are not familiar with Pandora, and are currently in America, give it a chance: Pandora.com.