Super Troopers

Add Neosporin to your list of things that are not available in the Netherlands. I asked the pharmacist for some, she wasn’t familiar so I showed her the names of the ingredients. She looked at me like I had asked her, “Where do you keep your heroin? I’ve been tootin’ blow all weekend and need something to settle my nerves.” She offered vitamin B12 but I didn’t buy it. Neosporin is going to be added to my Holland survival kit-list that Travis is so graciously bringing.

Speaking of Travis, I saw someone get pulled over on their bike the other day. I was riding home from work Wednesday night with my brand new street legal lights when I noticed a tall man on a bike wielding an air traffic control baton. The closer I got, the more apparent it became that this man was in fact a bicycle fuzz who had a Dutchman in his clutches. The exchange looked much like the typical American traffic stop. The bike fuzz was chastising the young man while he looked up and nodded, occasionally asking questions to feign interest. The Law handed him a ticket and started the arduous process of refolding his ticket book and putting his pen back in the front jacket pocket. I immediately pictured a scenario from my forthcoming road trip to Germany. If you have never seen Super Troopers, stop reading and Google, “Super Troopers, German Couple Scene”. Warning: Some mild sexual content.

I can see us getting pulled over on the autobahn. A German patrolman comes to each side of the car and asks us whether we know how fast we are going.
“Well, yes officer, we were goin’ waaay too slow. We don’t have the aw-tow- bahn in ‘Merica,” my friend Jon replies.

“Ja, und maybe zere is zomething you can do vhor me, or perhaps zomething vhor my partner,” says the German trooper.

“Zomething? (I explain this last exchange to Jon) Oh, hell no! Buncha fa..”

Just then, Bulldawg wakes from his nap and asks what’s up. He has been drinking Belgian beers for the last five hours and has no idea we were just pulled over for going too slow. He says something in drunken Magamoll. It turns out that the Magamolls have been speaking German this whole time. It’s not that they mumble when they are drunk, they speak fluent German, that’s why we cannot understand them. Whatever he says works and we avoid spending the night at Dachau.

I promise to update you on our travels as soon as possible including whether or not my hypothesis about Magamoll speak is true but I do not plan on taking my computer to the world’s largest beer festival. I’m sure the hotel will have internet access so I will write a little something and/or have guest writer, Travis, add some of his observations.

I have recruited a group to go to Delft tomorrow. If you are unfamiliar with it, do a quick Google search. William of Orange, the George Washington of the Netherlands, defeated the Spanish from his Delft command center. He is buried in the Nieuwe Kerk (new church) which was completed in 1510. The Oude Kerk was built in the thirteenth century. The town is the birthplace of Delftware and is reportedly gorgeous. We are going to bike there which should be interesting because the guy at the market is sold out of budget wheels and I refuse to pay twice as much at a store; Willie and I are just going to limp along to the next town. Twenty or thirty Euro could buy a one way ticket to France or a nice bottle of wine once I get there.

Please exercise your right to vote. I have posted a poll. Travis and I need to figure out what to do during his second weekend in town.

Go Gators. You never appreciate something so much as when it is unavailable. I love Gator football but have become a fanatic since coming to Holland. I will not be able to watch the game so somebody pick up the cheering slack.